Two Roads Diverged in a Yellow Wood

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

                                            -Robert Frost

    I started this blog nearly six years ago now. It began as an exercise in writing; in allowing a shy young woman to express her thoughts in a safe medium. As I have grown, I find that I no longer have needed such as outlet. I have grown from a self-conscious and anxious young woman to a mature adult who acknowledges her anxieties, flaws, and no longer has the need for validation from others.  

    When I started this blog, I titled it "Exploring the Road not Taken" as a reference to a much-beloved poem by Robert Frost. At the time, I thought I understood the nuances and message of the poem. Hindsight, however; always has a way of helping us to see that we understood so little and had much to learn in ensuing years. 

     I have changed the URL to my blog to reflect this growth in both mind and spirit. The curious thing about growing up is that our past never really leaves us. Every so often I experience dreams that remind me of the other "road." 

"Two roads diverged in a wood and I, I took the road less traveled by..." 

    

    I once thought I took the one less traveled by, but as I get older I realize that I took the stable, safe route. This is not necessarily bad, as Frost points out "both that morning equally lay..." but it is a change from my younger self who saw the world as much more black and white and took the path that most obviously seemed to be 'right.' As I get older I realize that much of the world is found in variants of grey, and we have to be soft and forgive the shortcomings and past mistakes of other--and only then can we find happiness in our own lives. 

    I have not decided if this will be my final entry, or the beginning to a new series of musings--but I do know, as my dreams reminded me, that no matter how far forward we may go our past is always there. This does not mean it defines us, but we should not forget the way it has helped shape us. We are not the sum of our mistakes, and should not believe others are what they once were. 

    

   I tell this all with a sigh, somewhere ages and ages since. Should I have taken the road less traveled by? I am not one to dwell on what once was, but sometimes my dreams make me wonder. 

Yet, all works out as it should be. 

If you read to the end, thank you. I wish you well as you face your roads in this weary world. 

      

Even Darkness Must Pass

Sam: "It's like in the great stories Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it'll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding on to something."

Frodo: "What are we holding onto, Sam?"

Sam: "That there's some good in the world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for."


This is one of my favorite scenes out of all the movies I have ever watched. In light of recent, horrifying events, I felt it was fitting. I cannot, and will never believe that evil will triumph over good; that darkness will swallow the light. There is good in this world that can and will always counteract the evil.
Yet, it is so hard to fathom why a person could murder children. What pushes someone to such a point that they become the embodiment of evil? I will not, and cannot, profess to have an answer to that. But I do know, with every fiber of my being, that those who commit evil will reap what they sow. I do not hate them. I refuse to give such people even that honor. I will move on, knowing that the storm will pass, and though the world will never be the same, (and it must never be!) the light will once again shine through the clouds.
I am not saying we will forget. We must never forget. Let the names of those children be written upon the hearts of all. But we cannot allow it make us bitter--to frighten us to the point where we cannot live our lives. What happened in Connecticut is undoubtedly horrific, but if we allow it to frighten us so much that we stop having faith, that we stop learning and growing out of fear of what may happen, then that is the moment that darkness will have won. Darkness is simply the absence of light, it is not a entity in and of itself--it is just the absence of the sun's rays, and faith and goodness.
I won't preach, and I won't remain long on my soapbox. I will not impose my religion upon anyone, and I refuse to begin an argument about stricter, or more relaxed gun laws. This post is to be uplifting: a reminder that the sun will rise, and banish the darkness.
I am a history major, and I admit that there are times that the things I study haunt me. The pictures I see, the stories I hear; there are times I wonder why a God could let such evil occur in the world around us. Yet, at the same time, what I see only enforces my faith. We are given our agency, and there are those who use it for good--and others for ill. I will not blame God for the things that occur. This is evil in this world. It is, and has long been, a fact of life. From the moment Cain murdered Abel, to the genocide in Rwanda, the massacre at Nanjing, the bombing of the Twin Towers, and even to an elementary school in Connecticut, evil lurks in our world. Darkness exists; but even shadows flee when they see light.
I chose to study history so that such terrible instances may never occur again. I want to teach others what happened so in the future it may be avoided. But I am not so naive to believe that the darkness lurking in some hearts will be eradicated. I know some day it will be, but for now we can only fight it the best way we know how. Remember the names of the victims; Morgan Freeman gave a wonderful speech on how we must live on for the victims and remember them--not the murderer. Live on for the good in the world, as Sam said in the aforementioned piece. There is so much light and joy in this world, and though bad things happen it doesn't mean that it negates the good. I will never believe that evil will triumph over good, not as long as there are people out there willing to try and make a difference.
The darkest night is always just before the dawn. Never let the dark recesses of the world suck you in and make you bitter. Remember there is good in this world. The sun will always rise; and though you refuse to let the darkness scare you--always remember the things it taught you:

"There's some good in this world, and it is worth fighting for."

-Lola

How to Offend Your Clerk in Five Syllables or Less

     I have an interesting job. There's no ifs, ands or maybes about that--and don't get me wrong, I love it. However, there are those days when I find myself completely exasperated by the world around me. Such is true in pretty much every job. So, just so you readers out there know what to AVOID, here are ten ways to irritate your clerk, in five syllables or less (maybe more on some of these things, haha)... though sometimes you don't have to talk AT ALL.
 (For the record, these are not in any particular order)

     Numero uno: I am not a psychiatrist. Or a bartender. I'm not paid to hear your life story--and frankly, I don't wanna hear about the illegal things you've done. I don't want to testify.

     2: Don't lie to me. If you tell me that you desperately need money for baby formula when I can see you drive a two-seater car with no car seat--I'll either think you're a really bad parent or I'll smell a lie.

     3. Do NOT ignore me because you'd rather one of the guys help you. I am just as capable as they are. Just because I'm female, doesn't mean I'm stupid.

    4. I'm not your "honey," "baby," "sugar," or "sweetheart," and no, I'm not going to give you more money because you're calling me those things.

     5. If you come in and try to buy my jeweler's scale because it weighs in GRAMS, I'm going to know exactly what you are using it for. No I'm not going to sell it to you.

    6. No I'm not going to give you a discount on a new item. It's new! Would you ask Wal-Mart for  a discount on milk?
**Sometimes we do discounts, because we are nice like that, but you shouldn't rudely demand it!

   7. If I quote you a price, as politely as I can, please don't give me a blank stare and rudely ask: "Are you serious?" No, I'm actually kidding. I just wanted to see your reaction. (Thought with heavy sarcasm and imaginary eye rolling). Yes of course I'm serious. I'm only obnoxious when there isn't chance of me losing my job.

8. Why yes, I am old enough to sell guns. No, I'm not fourteen--and no, I don't want to hang out after work.

9. I work with mostly guys. Go ahead. Yell at me. I dare you.

10. And lastly, please don't tell me you have scrap gold you want to sell then drop Grandma's teeth in my hand. I'm willing to take the gold--but please put in in a baggy...and don't tell me in graphic detail how you got it.

My job really is unique, and I have met many wonderful people through it. These are just a few experiences that I look back upon now and smile, though at the time they can be quite exasperating.
Choose a road, and job, that will keep you laughing.
                                                                                                    -Lola

Lessons Learned

     "I'm thankful for every break in my heart; I'm grateful, for every start. Some pages turned, some bridges burned--but there were, lessons learned."
                                                                               -Carrie Underwood

     I hope you will all indulge me tonight as I do some self-reflecting. Lately I have dwelled very much on the decisions I have made in my life. Decisions, I think, will be the focus of my post tonight.
    I am not perfect. I am far from it. In example, if perfection is the sun then I'm sitting somewhere out past Pluto. :) Haha. In all seriousness though, I suppose tonight I write in a search for redemption as my thoughts turn to the past chapters of my life.
    I owe many apologies to many whose lives have brushed with my own. I feel as though I went from the girl who said nothing, to the woman who's tongue works much faster than her brain. I have been ill-tempered and said many things towards--and about--many who do not deserve it--and I hope they can find it in their hearts to forgive me. I have done things I should not have. My actions have not always conveyed my deep convictions, which I deeply regret. Despite the wrongs that may have been done towards me, I know there are many situations I could have handled much differently. But, hindsight is always 20/20. In short: I'm sorry. There were many times I felt like I was making the right decision, and I will not apologize for that--but I don't hate anyone and hope the same is true towards me.
    I will refrain from indulging in my own misery, for I am not a miserable person and have no desire to become one--and I know that none of you purchased tickets to my pity-party. ;) So as I close the tattered chapters of my life that have haunted me--as we all must at some point in our lives--and move forward, I hope that I can become a better person. Perhaps with a little divine intervention, I will. :)
    I began with a quote from a song that has seemed to be a bit of a theme for my life. I've broke a heart or two, and have had to patch up my own just as many times. Life is a continual learning experience, even if we don't always figure out the lesson right away--and I am grateful for every break in my heart. There are certainly aspects of my life that I would do over, but not if I had to give up the lesson that I learned. The decisions I have made, both for good and ill, have shaped the person I am today.
   I couldn't sleep the other night, so I laid there and thought about all the different directions my life could have taken. I thought of the way I wanted it to go--and surprisingly--I found that I was very grateful that the Lord did not allow me to choose that road. At the time, I was certain it was what I wanted, yet now there is so much more before me. I'm not saying I would have been unhappy with any of the paths that I thought I wanted. I'm certain that with a good attitude and a little faith that it all would have turned out very well--but I now see that despite all the detours I have taken, I am right where I need to be. I am making decisions that I previously did not think I would have to make, but I am grateful that I am here. In short, all the decisions I have made, whether good or bad, have led me right to this very spot, and I'm pretty sure this is where I need to be. I'm not sure why yet, but I am quite eager to see where it leads me. I am certainly much more cautious about certain things, but I am also ready to make decisions I was previously too frightened to make.
    I am determined to be a better person, though I realize that I am imperfect. I will try to never be angry, for I know how it feels to have someone angry at me. I am determined never to yell, for I cringe at the sound of raised voices. I am determined to do good in all things, knowing the weight that guilt carries. I will mess up I am sure, but I will do the best I can and learn from each failure.

    To get to the point I am making, do not let the colors of your sins define who you are. Make decisions that you feel are best. Apologize when you hurt someone, but never change your mind because someone else doesn't like what you are doing. Learn to forgive yourself, because everyone makes mistakes. Become the person you want to be, because in the end, it is only between you and God.

Everyone is imperfect. We each are fighting battles that no one else can really comprehend. We should not judge, though I admit I am as guilty as anyone of doing so. But if we all tried a little harder to be a little better, the world would improve that much more. It is our decisions that help define who we are. We need to take those chances; assist that change. We are more than the sum of our past mistakes, and it is never took late for redemption. The next chapter is clean and ready to written--and you are the author (with a little help from the Man Upstairs.) And how grateful we should be for that help. I know I am.

This post has turned out to be much longer than I orginally thought, so I leave with one of my absolute favorite poems. I ask that you particularly note the last stanza.

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

                      -Mother Teresa

 

Take that road that scares you; that decision you know you should make but are too frightened to do so. Forgive those in your past, and move forward. Do good to those who can do nothing for you--because you can still do something for them. Forge your own path.

 

                                                                                            -Lola

Blind Leading the Blind

     "Just when you think it can't get any worse--it can. And just when you think it can't get any better, it can."
                                                                                             -Nicholas Sparks

     I haven't blogged in awhile. But after a particularly rough evening I decided I would. Let me explain the title of this blog first I suppose.
     We have this kitten. Her name is Matilda. She was born a little over three weeks ago. Right after she was born, she became very sick. Of her five siblings, only her and one brother survived. Now her brother recovered fine, and is nearly three times her size, but Matilda wasn't so lucky. The disease spread to her eyes, and infection claimed one of them. She only has one full eye, and the infection is working to take it as well. Because she was so sick, her mother abandoned her. Not one to let a poor kitten die, I began bottle-feeding it. Everyday my mother or I clean her face and feed her. At first she was very sluggish and it was clear that she would starve before infection could take her. But after a couple weeks of bottle-feeding, the difference is clear.
     Now, I was feeding her tonight, just going through the motions, kind of taking note that she was eating twice as much as usual, which was a good sign. Meanwhile I was moping, trying to figure out several things that are stressing me. I grabbed a rag and began to clean her eyes. She never likes it when I do that, but it had to be done. After several minutes of squirming and mewing, I stopped and let her go. She paused on my lap, and with a few excited glances around the room, she looked up an me--and focused upon my face with an eye that clearly had full vision. Now, I won't profess to be able to read cat emotions, but she looked very happy, and extrememly excited.
    Back to the quote, Matida has taught me the validity of what Sparks said. We all feared she would die, yet she fought on and things became better. Things might get worse first, but they always get better.
     Now I'm still slightly stressed. Such is the life of a college student, but I have faith now that things can get better. My kitten might only have one eye, but she was clearly grateful for the one she still has. Life is hard, but it makes you that much more grateful for the blessings one does have. So be grateful. We may not see the whole staircase, but we have to take that first step anyways.

     Take that step. Follow that road. -Lola

Thoughts on Me

     "What are we? Well we are but two hands to give service; two feet to forge our own path, and a heart to give to whomever we choose. We are masters of our own destiny, and who we are is the sum of whatever we choose to do with what we're given."

     I came to realization today that I never gave myself much of an introduction, I sort of just launched right into the whole "blogging" thing. That being said, I've decided to give this whole "tell us about yourself" thing a try.
    Like many people, I have two hands, two feet and one heart. Aside from a condition called Congenital Mirror Syndrome (Youtube it, it isn't bad) I'm quite normal--perhaps I even balance upon the precipice of being boring. In high school I was the quiet girl, I spent most of my time in the art room. I think most people thought I was either shy or stuck up. Really I'm just shy. In college I'm much the same. I keep good grades, I made it on the Dean's list, and I stay out of trouble. I have my small group of friends and my family that I love very much. Outside of the classroom I'm a Pawnbroker, a big sister and a girlfriend. Oh but I am much more than that.
     I am an artist. I love to paint and draw. I also spend many late evenings writing. I have two novels going, with another three swirling around my brain. I may never get published, but I love it all the same. On top of all that, I'm very opinionated--I just don't say half of what I'm thinking.
     That is why I started this blog, to give people a glimpse into my mind. I don't express myself well when talking to others, which is why I prefer to draw or write. So enjoy, give me some feedback.

     My name is not Lola, as many of you know. But I was given it affectionately by a coworker who said I reminded him of the spunky and tomboyish Lola Bunny, and I decided that I liked it (believe me, it is much better than some of my other nicknames. ;) ). I am a happy member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and my greatest goal is to one day be married in the temple. My favorite color is purple, and I hate pink. I have a slight milk allergy and I have a strange addiction to pumpkin seeds. I am part-way through earning my bachelor's degree in History with a teaching emphasis. I intend to get a job in secondary education at a high school level once I graduate. I think history is one of the greatest subjects that can be taught, for:
    "Those who cannot remember their past are condemned to repeat it." -George Santayana
Students must understand the mistakes of the past, because they are the future.
    But getting off of my soapbox now...I also have a wonderful boyfriend, and a family that I adore. Hm...haha I'm running out of things to say.
    I locked my keys in my car today. That's the kind of person I am. I can be quite scatterbrained...just as you can see this post is going in all sorts of weird directions. Thankfully I have people who love me and saved the day.
    I find talking about myself to be quite boring. So until I have something more interesting to say, au revoir.

This is my road. Lola

The Greatest Thing You'll Ever Learn

"We're all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when you find someone who's weirdness is compatible with yours, you fall in mutual weirdness and call it Love." -Dr. Seuss

      I haven't blogged in a while...but with a subtle suggestion/request from a friend I'm going to tackle a huge topic. Love. I must admit...I'm not sure how to start this one.

    We've all heard the fairy tales. It starts with once upon a time and ends with happily ever after.  Prince Charming fights all sort of obstacles to rescue his prince. He'll scale walls, fight dragons, take bullets--all in the name of love. I for one have never been a big believer in fairy tale love, and the damsel-in-distress thing isn't really my forte. But here goes. This is my fairy tale.

   Once upon a time, there was an ordinary girl, living an ordinary life. She had boyfriends; she had good times, she had bad times. Some moments were great--others...not so great. From being cheated on, to choosing to leave a great person; well, there was a little bit of everything. Now, life wasn't bad by any means, but it taught this girl a lesson.

    From one moment to another, bridges are burned and lessons are learned; and simply...falling in love is the greatest feeling in the world.
    Everyone talks about butterflies; that feeling that gathers in the pit of one's stomach. It's one great indication of one falling in love. But how else does one know? Well I don't profess to be a great expert...but I have felt it.

     Love is kind. Not mean. Never yell or be cruel to your significant other, and if in return, treat you with respect, you know they care. It ain't love if it's mean.
     Love is laughter. Have fun. You know you're in love if you're comfortable with someone, and can do pretty much any nerdy thing together simply for the sake of enjoying each other's company.
     Love is the genuine concern for the other's well being. Don't be selfish. Care about your partner. Learn about their likes, dislikes, ambitions and heartaches.
     Love is also trust. I know that I genuinely care about a person when I trust them implicitly. It took years to learn how to trust someone that much after experiencing heartache and liars--and it is so very easy to lose again. So be honest with one another, and trust each other.

    I could go on and on. But if that person treats you well, loves you for who you are, and is willing to scale walls, fight the metaphorical dragons of our day and age, and even take a bullet for you if some psychopath should show up--then don't hesitate to love him. Sometimes two people simply aren't compatible, and that's okay--but never let fear come in between you and love. Prayer and faith can be a powerful too in determining whom one should love.

"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love and be loved in return." -Moulin Rouge

    I cannot express how important love is, just as I cannot adequately say how one knows they are in love, as it is different for every person. But if you can't go more than a day without thinking of that person, if they treat you with respect, talk to you all the time--then odds are that it is love. ;) Don't waste it.

"This is true love, you think this happens everyday?"-The Princess Bride

So once upon a time there was this girl, and after a string of frogs, and Princes too (they just weren't her Prince), she found her Prince Charming. She didn't wait sleeping in a room, he didn't have to revive her with love's true kiss, or rescue her from her evil stepmother. No, she did her part to search for him, and he kept an eye out for her, and with a little bit of the Lord's help...the rest they say, is happily ever after. ;)

   Am I on that road with Prince Charming right now? Haha, well that is just for me to know. Remember to love, for that is the greatest thing that can ever be learned--and have a happily ever after. -Lola