"Women were created from the rib of man to be beside him, not from his head to top him, nor from his feet to be trampled by him, but from under his arm to be protected by him, near to his heart to be loved by him." -David O. MckayIn our day and age, the institution of marriage is crumbling. Young adults (and older folks too) get married for all the wrong reasons, just to have it all fall apart within months of saying "I do." So, the very thought of dating, and especially of getting married is terrifying. The fact is that 50% or so of marriages end in divorce. That's a sobering fact.
I was lucky to have grown up in a house with a strong marriage, and it (among several others) have inspired me. I wanted this blog to reflect the fact that relationships do not have to fail. It all begins with a good dating foundation. My friend has covered most dating tips (see her blog, I follow it!) but I wanted to put in my two cents, mostly from past experiences. Now, I'm not bitter towards any of my past boyfriends or dates, but I do believe there are things to be learned from each.
So here's ten tips, from the perspective of a skeptic-turned-believer:
Remember this acronym: F.A.L.L.I.N.L.O.V.E.
1. Forgive those who have wronged you. You cannot go into a relationship with bitterness towards your ex. It probably means your current relationship is a vengeful rebound, and that just sets it up for defeat. Remember, you have to be the type of person you'd want to date.
2. Always remember courtesy. Guys, for the first couple dates it's best if you pay for the girl. Once you've been dating awhile then you can split the dates, but be the gentleman at first. It also will not kill you to get her door. I don't think it has to be done all the time, but occasionally it is nice. At least hold the door open in restaurants. In turn, girls, remember to thank the guy. Dates can be really expensive, and it won't kill you to be polite. I also make it a point NOT to order the most expensive item on the menu. You don't have to be an expensive date.
3. Laugh. Laughter is crucial in a relationship. I'm drawn to guys with a sense of humor. Not crude humor, but just simple funny non-conformist humor. I'll watch dorky movies and laugh. I still enjoy a Disney film every now and again. Sometimes it doesn't hurt to be a big kid. Go kite flying for a date, or play a video game. Those dates are cheap and fun.
"All you need in the world is love and laughter. That's all anybody needs. To have love in one hand and laughter in the other."
August Wilson
4. Lust is different than love. Get to know him/her before you kiss them. Every first date is a little different, but I think a kiss should be saved, until you know if you really like them. I'm not one to kiss every guy I meet, and I think that's how it should be. If there's any question about your date being okay with holding hands or something, then just ask.
5. Integrity. Have it; know the definition of it. To have integrity means you are honest. There is nothing worse in the world than being lied to during a relationship. Always be honest and open with one another, and you will have considerably less problems.
6. Be Nice. Guys be nice to the waiters and waitresses, and especially your date. She's watching you pretty closely. Girls, don't be catty. Don't criticize other women around you. If you do that you just end up coming across as having low self-esteem.
7. Loyalty is key. If you're going to cheat, don't. Just break up with your significant other if you're so unhappy you have to cheat. I've been cheated on and it sucks.
8. Open up. I have a friend who suggests you play the "question game" if you hit an awkward point in your date. That means that you poise a question at your date, and they in return come up with one to ask you. Get creative: "Where's one place you'd like to travel and why?" "What was one thing you loved to do growing up?"
9. Have Virtue. I mentioned before being virtuous, but it goes deeper than that. We're all human. I know I've made many mistakes in my life, but we can learn from them. It's a sense of making yourself better, and being clean. When I think of a virtuous man, I think of a man who's conscious of his faults but is doing the best he can--I also think of a man who's loyal, brave and protective. There are virtuous women too: women who are compassionate and giving, amongst many other things.
10. Lastly, there's Eternity. That's my goal. Remember who you are and what you stand for. Our mistakes and choices here are brief, but they have eternal consequences, so make sure you're doing the right thing. I don't believe in the idea of "the one." I think there are many good people out there, and if you find someone you love who shares your ideals and standards, and uplifts you, then you can make it work. It won't always be easy, but it will be worth it.
Sooo... Does a certain man follow this? :)
ReplyDeleteHaha I don't think so. I'll have to have him read them.
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